My vent

So I guess this is where I attempt to make some sense out of the last few days even though I dont believe I am there yet.  While I am waiting for the emotions we shoved far down to bubble up, I thought writing about it all might be of use.  I am pissed that a positive pee stick and ultrasound with baby's heartbeat will now no longer be enough.  I am pissed that it will be at least 4-5 months before we are probably going to be comfortable telling anyone about the next babe to be.  I am pissed that what was usually a festive and fun day for us will now be tainted with this awful story.  I am even more pissed that I may have slightly killed off any optimissim my dear husband had on Tuesday.  I am grateful for the support we received from our wonderful family & friends(and partial strangers on the internet) and want to tell the others considered to be our "friends" to go to hell for their lack of giving a shit about anyone but themselves.  I am pissed that the beers I downed last night had absolutely no effect on me and still wanted to cry myself to sleep, although thankful for the company that forced me not to do so.  I am pissed I know have to attempt to call a bridal shop in hopes the 3 sizes too big dress I ordered is no longer needed.  I am pissed that this 2nd loss might turn me into a bitter m/c girl, hating the young baby at Pj's last night crying for 2 hours bc their dumb ass parents have to have a night on the town.  I am pissed that it might be another year of Chuck and I in this big house alone and that another Christmas will pass with us sleeping in.  I am pissed that now I believe Chuck & I might just be the "fun aunt & uncle with no kids" (you know the type).  I can't imagine the long drives in the car again to work because thats when I felt the most sad and allowed myself too much time to thing.  I am pissed about everything about this situation, while I deserve to be angry I am trying to stay angry because I know that the next phase of just feeling yourself become depressed is scary as hell.